if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I touched a dick in church today
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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