I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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