peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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