This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
