So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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