I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
