ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
