tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
