Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We are all done wearing pants today
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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