That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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