it was like his penis was on wheels.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
is it fun? or sober?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
