It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
