apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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