you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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