Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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