Buhtt sex?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
