Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
