Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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