yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
