As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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