Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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