It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
