my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
