Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
