well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
