he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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