i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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