I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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