We won't sleep together?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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