My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
