You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You are a genius and a whore.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
