I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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