I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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