Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
