who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
