remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
