Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
