that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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