phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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