Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
