why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If I die, sorry about rent.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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