I forgot how hot balto sounded
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We need a shit load of segways right now
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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