If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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