did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
