My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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