dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
