No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
