I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
