i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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