i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
