Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He better not be in your backpack
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
