The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
