At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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