he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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