If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Boobs are out for the taking
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
