Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
