i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
