How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
