I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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