My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
