I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
