it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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