White coat. Heels.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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