Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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