Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
