called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
