She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
